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"Fuck this" were your last words to me So eloquently did you sum up several months of hours-per-day contact. You can really get to know a lot about someone over time, so I figured that maybe I'd deserved better than seeing that last text from you. Several times, you'd reached back out to me: after it didn't work out with the other guy, after feeling overwhelmed with pressing life and obligations, and a few cancellations mainly due to your loved ones' illnesses. You got to see that someone out there wasn't fazed by some of the other shit you had going on or by your living/academic/ -rearing circumstances. And what did I earn in return? Getting abandoned. I know that other things in our situation would make it seem silly to an outsider that a connection was there. But you said things which indicated this was true. And then you go and perform something cruel, classless, and debasing. How long did it take before you went back online? Does it take you no time at all to bury or deny things? Are you feeling good about crushing someone? Something tells me you've not been good at breaking things off in general. Thank you for reinforcing a life pattern for me, and helping me see that I'll eventually run out of reasons to open myself up to someone. And, most of all, you've convinced me that maybe I was little better than a entity to anyone in my life, not just you. Absolve yourself, since maybe part of my problem us that it's always my problem and I just cannot learn to change whatever it is I don't know I'm doing; clearly, you couldn't have been less than perfect if the best I got was, "Fuck this." May you always feel great about the decisions you make.

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