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Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along. Sometimes I allow my mind to wander and I daydream about the life I wish I had... and perhaps it's common in the dreams of more women than I know, but despite an increasing awareness and acceptance of alternate lifestyles, of gays and lesbians and bisexuals and transsexuals and transgendered and swingers and cheaters (etc.), what I wish for still raises eyebrows, and even in these modern, open-minded, equal-rights times, it continues to carry a stigma of being perverse. It brings a question to the sanity of anyone who accepts it and especially of those, like me, who desire it. I consider myself morally and mentally sound, I am healthy, disease and drug free (and that includes prescription drugs). I am compassionate, empathetic, and loving. What I desire isn't for the deviant thrill that most will immediately assume. It's for the love. The security. It's the having sometime to come home to. It's about having time to myself when I need it. It's about sharing, communicating, uniting, bonding, space, spice. It's that smile between two people that shows they have a secret. It's also that smile between three people that shows they have a secret. I've seen the ads that make open relationships seem downright vulgar. That is not what I am about, not what I crave; I'm not a swinger or into NSA, but because I seek acceptance myself, I do not judge the people behind those ads. I've seen the ads on the opposite side of the spectrum that specifiy state 'no couples', (and make me feel like we are the world's most undesirable category ever) but I understand that bi and lesbian women who are not looking for a man or couple are probably getting a ton of unwanted email from that very crowd, and quite frankly, I'm not looking for a man or couple either. So I get that. (It still hurts though.) And while my beliefs in general are a bit out of the box and free spirited, I am not a tie-dye wearing hippie with flowers in my hair living in an intentional community (not that there is anything wrong with being a hippie... or intentional communities). I'm just an average, professional, feminine, curvy woman balancing career and family and life and love who happens to want a woman in my life. The term 'open relationships' is a very broad term. For myself personally, it's fairly traditional and not at all as 'open' as one might imagine. Since the day I met him he's been the only man for me and he will always be... the only man. He, on the other hand, has a natural inclination to loving more. But he does so responsibly, so much so that he's only had one other relationship since we've been together, and that was years long and years ago. And that's a sad story, but I loved her too, and I miss her terribly. She opened my eyes and my heart to the ability to have such a uniquely satisfying relationship between three people. Complicated, yes... lots of feelings and passion and yes, even sometimes pain... but so worth it. Though it would probably be easier, I don't want to mislead anyone by saying I'm single and then try to 'lure' her into a relationship that she was not expecting or was even opposed to from the beginning. That just wouldn't be right. So here I am, just me, being honest. I'm not sure if I'm posting an ad or just venting and trying to justify myself, I just want it known that not all couples are all about play - some, like us, actually want the commitment. I'm frustrated but I don't want to lose hope. I'm doubtful about meeting that special someone in a forum such as this, but who knows? I want to find a soft, feminine woman to be my friend and lover, one who will also love and be loved by him. I can't promise that it would be easy, but I know that it would be fulfilling, rewarding, exciting, and comforting. Always someone there for her when she wants or needs, and time to herself if she is anything like me and just needs some down time. Travel, adventure, nights out on the town, nights snuggled up on the couch. Laughter, dancing, cooking, eating. Living. Loving. And loving more. The best of both worlds. If you are interested or even just curious about this kind of relationship, please email me.